Brad Morgan

Red Zone Report

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Wednesday, November 11, 2009

2009 Tales of Fantasy Disappointment

Thanks for all the emails; I didn't expect so many. And don't be mad if yours didn't make it because they were all beautiful (isn't that what they tell kids these days?)
Without further ado, here is the winner:

From Nick Garcia:

Draft Larry Johnson, I did, I did!
He took the ball and ran and hid

Behind his lineman, he always fell down
And in came Jill and he broke her crown
He pushed and slapped and yelled and spit
And in the end she looked like Owen Schmitt

He eventually decided he run real hard
But all he chased were girls in the bars
In his demented fantasies we all shared
But our fantasy has become a nightmare

Honorable Mentions:

From Andres

You, Calvin Johnson. I saved the biggest disappointment for last! We knew the negatives going into the year. You had a Rookie QB, and a bad team. But for God's sake, you produced top WR #'s with Culpepper QBing, and didn't miss games! After game one, you looked completely worth your draft slot, even after the officials robbed you of a TD. Now, you can't get on the field. You have this ultra-elite talent, and it just seems to be wasting away on a lost year. Get healthy, and remember, Megatron is supposed to transform into an amazingly bad-ass gun that could kill God if pointed to the sky. Go be that gun.

From Adi Heller:

I'm sure you've gotten a couple complaints about Eddie Royal, but mine is special. I drafted Eddie, I thought somewhat reasonably, as a 3rd WR in a league that starts 3 WRs. Obviously, all season he sucked. Lots. And as a Patriots fan with faith in Josh McDaniels' system, I kept starting him and gutting it out through Eddie's suckitude. In week 5, I was finally broken, and benched him - he gained 90 yards receiving against my beloved Pats, so I was convinced he was back. I started him week 6. My opponent (my league rival, and a rematch of last year's championship) was starting the Broncos DST. Eddie, of course, went on to catch 0 passes, and returned two kicks for TDs, giving 12 points to my opponent.

I got a lot of problems with you, Eddie! And now, you're gonna hear about it. You, Royal. Your fantasy performance STINKS!

From: Sean Pickwick

Sadly my contribution is going to be neither surprising nor original, but that will not quell my loathing of Larry Johnson. I too was sucked into the preseason hype - "He's totally involved in the team aspect", "He looks so fast, like 2005 all over again!", "His workout regiment is off the charts" - only to watch LJ pitter-patter his way into the backs of his lineman, then tweet his way out of a uniform. Thankfully I play in a 2 keeper, 14 team league so the pick wasn't necessarily devastating, but when Drew Brees is leading your team in rushing TD's after week 7, it tends to shine a bright, glaring spotlight on that pick, one that I defended at my draft against the snickers and dropped jaws of friends and team owners. Never again, LJ, never again.

Updated Red Zone Statistics for RBs, WRs, and TEs

PlayerTeamRZ CarTeam RZRZ%GL CarTeam GLGL %TDRZ tarRZ Chances
Cedric BensonCincinnati Bengals283093.3%66100.0%4230
Maurice Jones-DrewJacksonville Jaguars343791.9%1010100.0%7539
Steven JacksonSt. Louis Rams141687.5%33100.0%0216
Matt ForteChicago Bears334082.5%7887.5%2336
Michael TurnerAtlanta Falcons 232882.1%1010100.0%7124
Ladanian TomlinsonSan Diego Chargers243080.0%161984.2%5125
Ryan GrantGreen Bay Packers212777.8%101376.9%4425
Marshawn LynchBuffalo Bills152075.0%4666.7%1318
Kevin SmithDetroit Lions172373.9%61250.0%3219
Frank GoreSan Francisco 49ers81172.7%22100.0%2614
Marion BarberDallas Cowboys152171.4%101283.3%4116
Adrian PetersonMinnesota Vikings334868.8%172181.0%7235
Joseph AddaiIndiannapolis Colts274165.9%61250.0%5431
Clinton PortisWashington Redskins172665.4%4850.0%1421
Ronnie BrownMiami Dolphins375764.9%142070.0%6138
LeSean McCoyPhiladelphia Eagles91464.3%3560.0%1110
Jamal LewisCleveland Browns162564.0%7977.8%0016
Brandon JacobsNew York Giants335362.3%81172.7%2437
Julius JonesSeattle Seahawks81361.5%33100.0%119
Knowshon MorenoDenver Broncos193161.3%3742.9%1221
Thomas JonesNew York Jets233860.5%7887.5%6023
Rashard MendenhallPittsburgh Steelers122157.1%5771.4%4012
Jonathan StewartCarolina Panthers244751.1%71741.2%3125
Darren McFaddenOakland Raiders4850.0%1250.0%115
Cadillac WilliamsTampa Bay Buccaneers61250.0%3650.0%239
Lendale WhiteTennesee Titans112250.0%3742.9%1011
Tim HightowerArizona Cardinals142948.3%81080.0%5216
Beanie WellsArizona Cardinals142948.3%21020.0%1014
Ray RiceBaltimore Ravens173647.2%3837.5%1623
Chris JohnsonTennesee Titans102245.5%4757.1%2212
DeAngelo WilliamsCarolina Panthers214744.7%91752.9%41132
Justin FargasOakland Raiders81942.1%2728.6%119
Willis McGaheeBaltimore Ravens153641.7%4850.0%5217
Derrick WardTampa Bay Buccaneers51241.7%3650.0%116
Brian WestbrookPhiladelphia Eagles51241.7%2540.0%127
Fred JacksonBuffalo Bills112839.3%3742.9%0213
Justin ForsettSeattle Seahawks51338.5%030.0%038
Steve SlatonHouston Texans184738.3%31323.1%2422
Laurence MaroneyNew England Patriots143737.8%3650.0%2014
Amhad BradshawNew York Giants195335.8%31127.3%4019
Glen CoffeeSan Francisco 49ers51435.7%2450.0%116
Donald BrownIndiannapolis Colts144134.1%61250.0%2014
Chris BrownHouston Texans164734.0%51338.5%1218
Pierre ThomasNew Orleans Saints175232.7%81942.1%3118
Michael BushOakland Raiders61931.6%4757.1%206
Mike BellNew Orleans Saints165230.8%51926.3%2016
Darren SprolesSan Diego Chargers134429.5%42119.0%1821
Jerome HarrisonCleveland Browns72528.0%090.0% 07
Reggie BushNew Orleans Saints145226.9%21910.5%31024
Ricky WilliamsMiami Dolphins155726.3%52025.0%5318
Correll BuckhalterDenver Broncos73122.6%1714.3%018

PlayerTeam RZ TargetsTeam RZRZ%TD
Marques ColstonNew Orleans Saints175530.9%6
Larry FitzgeraldArizona Cardinals154334.9%5
Greg OlsenChicago Bears154533.3%3
Steve SmithNew York Giants143935.9%5
Andre JohnsonHouston Texans124526.7%3
Reggie WayneIndianapolis Colts124228.6%6
Dwayne BoweKansas City Chiefs124327.9%3
Randy MossNew England Patriots125123.5%2
Chad OchocincoCincinnati Bengals113928.2%5
Brent CelekPhiladelphia Eagles113234.4%3
Vernon DavisSan Francisco 49ers113036.7%6
TJ HoushmandzadehSeattle Seahawks114325.6%2
Nate WashingtonTennesee Titans112250.0%3
Austin CollieIndianapolis Colts104223.8%3
Sidney RiceMinnesota Vikings104223.8%1
Tony GonzalezAtlanta Falcons93129.0%2
Jhonny KnoxChicago Bears94520.0%2
Laveranues ColesCincinnati Bengals93923.1%2
Roy WilliamsDallas Cowboys93823.7%2
Mike Sims-WalkerJacksonville Jaguars92437.5%4
Bernard BerrianMinnesota Vikings94221.4%2
Visante SchiancoeMinnesota Vikings94221.4%6
Wes WelkerNew England Patriots95117.6%2
Heath MillerPittsburgh Steelers92931.0%4
Vincent JacksonSan Diego Chargers93625.0%4
Nate BurlesonSeattle Seahawks94320.9%2
Roddy White Atlanta Falcons83125.8%1
Mark ClaytonBaltimore Ravens82729.6%1
Andre CaldwellCincinnati Bengals83920.5%3
Greg JenningsGreen Bay Packers83821.1%1
John CarlsonSeattle Seahawks84318.6%2
Steve SmithCarolina Panthers73023.3%1
Desmond ClarkChicago Bears74515.6%0
Devin HesterChicago Bears74515.6%1
Eddie RoyalDenver Broncos73023.3%0
Donald LeeGreen Bay Packers73818.4%0
Anthony FasanoMiami Dolphins72528.0%1
Jeremy ShockeyNew Orleans Saints75512.7%2
Antonio GatesSan Diego Chargers73619.4%1
Steve BreastonArizona Cardinals64314.0%2
Lee EvansBuffalo Bills62524.0%1
Miles AustinDallas Cowboys63815.8%2
Brandon MarshallDenver Broncos63020.0%4
Calvin JohnsonDetroit Lions62326.1%1
Donald DriverGreen Bay Packers63815.8%2
Mario MannighamNew York Giants63915.4%2
Jason AvantPhiladelphia Eagles63218.8%1
Hines WardPittsburgh Steelers62920.7%3
Josh MorganSan Francisco 49ers63020.0%1
Randy McMichaelSt. Louis Rams62920.7% 
Kellen WinslowTampa Bay Buccaneers63616.7%4
Santana MossWashington Redskins63218.8% 
Anquan BoldinArizona Cardinals54311.6%1
Derrick MasonBaltimore Ravens52718.5%3
Terrel OwensBuffalo Bills52520.0% 
Chris HenryCincinnati Bengals53912.8%2
Tony ShefflerDenver Broncos53016.7%2
Bryant JohnsonDetroit Lions52817.9%2
Dallas ClarkIndianapolis Colts54211.9%1
Pierre GarconIndianapolis Colts54211.9% 
Chris ChambersKansas City Chiefs54112.2%1
Bobby WadeKansas City Chiefs54311.6%2
Ben WatsonNew England Patriots5519.8%2
Heath EvansNew Orleans Saints5559.1%1
Dustin KellerNew York Jets52420.8%2
DeSean JacksonPhiladelphia Eagles53215.6% 
Antonio BryantTampa Bay Buccaneers53613.9%1
Michael ClaytonTampa Bay Buccaneers53613.9% 
Devin ThomasWashington Redskins53215.6%1


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